OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
