he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
