I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize