it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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