I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
