Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize