you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
