Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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