Ketchup is God's man juice
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
