Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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