how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize