the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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