You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
