It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
