I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is it because I queefed?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
