Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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