Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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