Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
