..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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