Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
