I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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