tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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