cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
