Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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