So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
