I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
