Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
