Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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