Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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