I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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