My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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