I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
