Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
NoShamevember. You game?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
