Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
