I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
