when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
