At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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