She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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