never play flip cup with pint glasses
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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