help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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