am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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