her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
