Is it because I queefed?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
