and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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