she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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