but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
