Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Mom said you looked used
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
