I have demons in me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
