I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
