hotel room ftw
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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