the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im just a social blackout drinker.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
