You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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