I wish I could teleport
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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