why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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