you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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