I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
