youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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