Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
