Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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