Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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