You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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