Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
