he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
