Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
