tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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