We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize