it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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