I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
