You just made me feel so damn special
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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