Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize