i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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