You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she woke up with a sticky ear
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
