I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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