Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
