I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize