you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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