Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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