I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
